Irby 4th v Chester BH 4th - Sat 23rd August

I write this from the comfort of a villa on the Algarve ;o). 29 degrees today, clear blue skies. What's the forecast for the Over 40's Twenty20 tomorrow at Upton? Everyone should get down there tomorrow and support the boys (ahem!). There's life in the old dog yet as he proved by hitting 88 for the 3's yesterday (it must have been the thought of two fat ladies that got his ticker going faster than usual and prompted his subsequent demise!)

Irby 4ths 121ao
Chester Boughton Hall 4ths 30ao

Today the 4's, without a win all season up til 4 weeks ago, went for an unprecendented 3 wins on the bounce.

And it was all change in the team. Without any youth for the first time in living memory, the protangonists were as follows:

Andy 'Dr Death' Jones
Chris 'I'll bet on anything' Davidson
Paul 'did he just bowl me round my legs?' Smith
Dave 'defo Jonty' Noble
Graham 'Brazilian' Kemp
Jussie 'Mr Motivator' Overend
Ben 'Like a Virgin' Fischer
Kyle 'Gangster Rapper' Vernon
Bill 'its bloody Warrington next' Price
Danny 'I'll upset your ex if its the last thing I do' Bradley
Bob 'Ernie' Barber
(Andy 'Crumble' CAMPbell only 12th man despite a five fer last week)

We lost the toss and were put in by Chester who unfortunately suffered the exact opposite of ourselves this BH wkend and could only muster 9.

We set about our innings with usual 4th team aplomb, with a quick top order and even quicker middle order collapse. It was a really tough wicket to bat on, the wettest all year which is surprising given how much rain has fallen all 'summer!' The bounce varied greatly with every ball and at least 5 of us perished to balls that went through really low. To their immense credit, Chester bowled really really well, with their younger slower bowlers deserving of great praise particularly. Paul was bowled around his legs by a ball that pitched a foot outside leg stump and clipped the off bail. When Mssrs Jones and Vernon tool to the field we were 90 odd for 9 but they took to their task very well and when Andy finally fell, the score was on 121, which was always gonna be a tough chase on this wkt. I'd forgotten what a great pleasure it was to play with Kyle and his batting was fantastic to watch, technically excellent in only his 3rd innings of the season, and a beautiful authentic cover drive to boot. At one stage in this innings, I really thought that tea might not be ready for us! Mr Extras took centre stage again which gave Ben, Dan and I the opportunity to explore the vageries of Dr Ruths ample teachings.

In reply, we were exceptionally vocal and positive in the field and after the disappointment of missing one run out, took the same man in the next over in exactly the same way. Then came... ME, your very own cross between Jonty Rhodes and Chubby Brown! Dr Kemp ambled in in workman like fashion with a ball slightly short of a length, that their other opener (a regular Chester 2's batsman) tried to drive but flashed instead thru the covers mistiming the drive. When you aren't catching them, you don't want that ball anywhere near you, but when you are... I ran forward and dived, slipping my hands beneath the ball as I slid. Whereupon, unlike last week, I celebrated in agressive style by fist punching and yelling 'come on!' at the top of my voice prompting the opposition skipper, umpiring at the time, to ask if I thought I'd just caught KP!!! As Mark Newman and Sam Fotheringham walked our boundary, the wickets hadn't gone up, it looked good anyway 13 for no loss off 9, then as they came back, the score was righted 13-5 off 10. At one stage the scoreboard read 14 runs for 5 wickets off 16 overs, heady stuff. We'll be happy to keep Kyle for as long as Nige wants, his eventual figures of 16 overs, 13 maidens and a four fer hardly doing just to his performance. A perfect pitch for him but perfect bowling too. Kempy picked up a couple and the run out and Chicken Legs did the rest (fooled the opposition batsman by putting one on the stumps!) The rain came, hard, but we stayed out as did Chester and the final two wickets came in the late 20's and on 30. We enjoyed our time with Bob today, he was on fine form - driving the fastest milk cart in the West has clearly perked him up no end!

Great credit to Dr Jones for 3 on the bounce, we doff our caps and bow graciously in your direction - not since the days of Murph in the 4's have such feats been claimed!!!

I'll be missing next week for the penultimate game against Warrington, as we head for 4 straight and the possibility of our very own Fifer against Park on the last day of the season and whether picked or not fellas, let's make sure we drink long and late into the night on the 6th Sept to celebrate the end of another very happy season for Irby 4's. I for one, will be buying several jugs that night so I don't want to hear any excuses about hair washing, sleeping with your sister (you know which Doctor you are!), driving, taking exams the next day (actually that is the same fellow), having a girlfriend - even I'm taking a night off!! ;o).

One final thing though, despite our season ending early, it doesn't for Irby's 1's and 2's, that's our 1's and 2's fellas - I know some of them don't smile much and the odd one would definitely stand a good chance of auditioning for a part alongside Walter Lemmon and Jack Matthau in a remake of Grumpy Old Men but both teams are still in contention for promotion and with Ben Thomas at the helm particularly for the 1's, the first opportunity for a Championship looms large. They need our support despite a 50 pt lead at the top and here's hoping that their final game at home to Hale Barns on the last day of the season is a dead rubber and they've already won it. Then there will be a party to remember. All are welcome, let's celebrate a wonderful season for all 4 teams and fingers crossed for promotion for 1's, 2's and 3's and the 4's very own Fifer.

So a big party for us to come but the 13th and 20th are opportunities for you to say to your wives and girlfriends, sod that darn shopping, it can wait, I'm off down the club to support me mates an the 1's and 2's and then me and Renners will see ya all in the divorce courts!!!

Dave Noble - 24th August - roving reporter somewhere in the Algarve, just off for a glass of Vinho Tinto. Ta ta for now.
 

Cheadle Hulme 3rds vs Irby 4ths - 16th August 2008

Cheadle Hulme 109ao
Irby 110-2

Before I attempt my regular hilarity, I'm going to make a serious point and something that I think not only the 4th team players and captain have to think about but something that the whole club, players from 4ths to 1sts, captains, club captain, committee and chairman have to think about.

For all of this season, whilst trying to get the 3rds promoted, for the good of the club as a whole, so that the gap from cricket in the 2's and 3's is as small as possible to promote the transition of players from one team to the next, meaning that ultimately the 1's and 2's are the strongest teams that we can produce, the 4's have been largely disadvantaged. Last season we won 5 or 6 and yes we had Lewis and Kyle for the majority of the time, which gave us a massive boost in terms of our bowling capability. This year, up to 3 weeks ago, we'd won none. The 3's were top and the 4's were bottom. Then we won at Park by posting 223 and yesterday we beat Cheadle Hulme comprehensively, not just about, we thrashed them, we bowled them out for 109 (the 3's posted 215 at Irby recently and it was chased down by Cheadle so they're no slouches) and we knocked them off for 2. We've talked for some time about having a senior player in the 4's to bolster the batting line up and to give us something to defend because by and large when we've been put in during the course of the last 3 seasons, we've been comprehensively beaten. The difference in these last two matches, two batsmen who can score heavily and post a total that we can bowl at.

If the 3's are there to provide a transition to the 2's, then surely the 4's are there to give youngsters who are the future of our club, their opportunity to play regular cricket and ultimately progress through the ranks as potential future 1st teamers. Good batsmen all this to happen. There is an argument that putting someone in the 3's who scored a fifty in the 4's and then batting him at no.8 is counter productive, just think about it.

The Players

Andy (the 'just play straight then swish straight away') Jones - 1
Andy 'Crumble' Campell - 0
Graham 'The Brazilian Doctor' Kemp - 52
Ben 'The Doctor's servant' Fischer - DNB
Danny 'Fat Boy' Bradley - 51
Chris 'Chicken Legs' Davidson - DNB
Dave 'Jonty' Noble - DNB
Dave 'Hull City supporter' Burrows - DNB
Sam 'Scorer' Mills - DNB
Rob 'Fred Astaire' Morton - DNB
Bill 'The Weatherman' Price - DNB

The Game

I didn't really think we'd get to play today. Manchester is not reknowned for it's good weather, which is proven by the amount of miserable people who live there but our own weatherman, Mr B Price esq, explained to me that the weather was coming in from the Paddys and was likely to hit the Wirral before it got to Manchester, so it proved.

We arrived at Irby to discover that the rather more effeminate than last year, Andy 'Crumble' CAMPbell - maybe the clue is in the name, had joined us for his latest sojourn into the world of cricket. As it turned out, whilst he may not have come out, he has turned into a spin bowler of some note. He also managed to curb his need for the over exuberant Shane Warne like appeals thus reducing our ability to wind up the opposing teams and create animosity wherever we went. Crumble came in for the irrepresible Olly MacPherson, who seems to have been dropped for being the only real South African in our team. After all Doc Kemp retained his place but as we all know, he's English now!!!!

Having arrived and struggled to find the opposing Captain, we lost the toss and they chose to bat. Sam (4-1-5-1) and Rob opened the bowling and managed between them to remove the openers cheaply. From 14-2 to 70-2, they bowled along quite happily, then Crumble and the Doctor destroyed the middle order and tail - 5 wickets for Crumble, who managed to avoid the jug by not coming back to the club, apparently he was ballroom dancing that night! and 3 for the Doctor - still unsure why you have a Brazilian on your chin but hey, it seems to work for ya. Batsmen 3 & 4 scored 38 and 42 respectively before the latter was superbly caught by a running moi at deep square leg. I don't know why they were concerned, everyone knows I catch one of them every other season!! I still hold the wide grin, fantastic :o)

As is Cheadle's way, we always seem to get 10 overs to reply just before tea and as is our usual want, we lost both openers in the first two overs, 1-2 - brilliant stuff and the Cheadle tails are up. Thus, please take a step forward Messrs 'Fat Boy' Bradley and the Brazilian Doctor, who saw us to 24-2 at tea. Cheadle have an opening bowler who can bounce a ball over your head even on a pudding, it's not very quick off a pudding but nevertheless, tis quite an effort nonetheless. After tea and a circumspect half an hour, Dan and Graham set about Cheadle's attack with aplomb, both scoring half centuries and Danny his maiden effort for Irby, with two towering sixes onto the rugby pitch to win the game. A superb effort by both, an innings of maturity from Dan and an innings of effervescent confidence from Graham (innings this season - for him a season of about 6 games - two fifties and a big hundred at Park - I think that's him top of the averages for the next 10 years). What's more it was an unbroken partnership of 109, brilliant stuff.

We even managed to get Danny and Graham back to the club to buy the obligatory jugs, although I have the feeling one of them avoided the expense. We had enough time to watch the firsts, in what seemed November gloom, attempt to overhaul Middlewich's total of 183, but we're caught out by the weather and their captain's requirement to keep bowling the quicks in the gloom.

Thanks to all who played, the banter as always (led by me, I know I know) was exceptional, the team spirit superb and the victory sublime.

To Cheadle, please fix that strobe light in dressing room 4, I was fitting all night and had to call Drs Kemp and Fischer out to administer injections or at least that's what they said they were anyway! And your showers are officially the hottest showers in the North West of England. Turn them down and you'll be able to swap them for carbon credits I'm sure!! And to Mike, their Captain, I believed you when you said my catch turned the game.


For the record and for any Leeds fans out there, Don Revie is not a cheat. Nor was he ever. Nevertheless I would suggest we shouldn't talk about football in the cricket season, it's counter productive. The teas at Cheadle were once again magnificent and our only complaint is how small the plates are - sort it out, Danny has a weight problem to maintain!!

Irby 4's for Europe, bring it on!

P.S. Did I tell you about my catch?

Dave Noble
170808

 

Irby 4ths v Birkenhead Park 4ths - 2nd August 2008

Time for a report:

Irby 4ths 223 (yes that does read two hundred and twenty three!) Bhead Park 4ths 130 odd ao

A win, a victory, eventually. The benefit of having one or two batsmen who can bat, any lessons to be learnt...possibly!!!

Andy lost the toss - two weeks on the bounce and two posted scores in excess of 180 - you could conceivably win the toss and put us in Andy... perhaps not!

On a really variably bouncing wicket we started well enough. I feel my duck should be explained by the fact the score was on 36 before I fell :o). They tell me its good to hold up one end apparently.

Andy Jones scored 17, Danny (Tubby) Bradley 18 (and our most unfortunately as the ball rolled back onto his stumps), Ben Fischer a quick fire 55 (would've been more but his running between the wickets is more than reminiscent of Tubby), you were out by a mile Ben! Dr Kemp, as Ben has to call him during the week, produced a magnificent 107 falling only in the final over. The other point of note was the happy and smiling Bill Price (good to see David home mate), who kept relegating himself down the batting order as the wickets fell so that the youngsters got a go.

In reply, we quickly had Park 4 down but their Captain, Greg, and their number 4 batsman put on a hundred to slow us down. Ryan Pleavin and Paul Ealham had bowled brilliantly to get them 4 down and returned to take out the remainder of the lineup, Ryan finishing with 6 wkts and Gareth mysteriously absent from buying the beer on his behalf!! (We know you were away mate really!) Danny Povall and Rob Mallen bowled well but for no reward whilst the irrepressible Dr Kemp took 1 wicket with his newly acquired slow right arm bowling (proving that excrement really does take wickets) and took two very good catches to boot. Given the fact that he's South Ifrican, man of the match undoubtedly goes to Ryan. Although it's fair to note that for all these South Africans go on about the mother country, Dr Kemp owns a British passport (which makes you British and Messrs Tebbit and Thatcher would have you thrown our for supporting SA now), and the other daft monkey MacPherson reckons he gets permanent residency here next year and is going to sign on as soon as it's through. So, from next year, you both take over from Dougie Ballinger as the club's very own in situ plastic South Africans.

A first victory of the season, maybe we're not done yet. A late push for mid table obscurity methinks?

The teas as usual were more than adequate but no test match coverage sadly. The Festival of Sport which restricted us from parking in the Park was magnificent and consisted entirely of Park vs Cheadle Hulme on the front pitch and Park vs Irby on the back, magnificent organisation Mr Councillor, thank you.

Dave Noble 040808
 

Write/Right a funny match report

May 17th Irby 4ths vs Warrington

Amazingly despite some overnight rain and constant drizzle we did manage to get a game on Saturday and even more amazingly, we managed to get out 11 players which is great because I'd begun to think cricket was a game played by 10. Thanks to all those lads who think it's ok to drop out of the higher echelons of the cricket club late on Friday night with a climbing the loft ladder type injury or Saturday morning with a hangover, we in the 4ths love playing with less than a full compliment.

Warrington 172-5? Irby 110ao

Andy won the toss and inserted the opposition who groaned at the prospect of spending all day in the drizzle. Warrington had a number of players playing today that usually play a little higher and their openers, whilst kept relatively quiet by Suicide Venables and Alex, set about building a very positive opening partnership. They got 92 on the board before the first wicket fell but we stuck at it and despite being as quiet as the grave in the field (apart from Olly who was speaking that foreign language muck again), we managed to get in amongst them and although one opener scored a ton, when they declared on 170, we were happy in thinking we'd done a reasonable job in restricting them. Special mention to Bill who thought out one batsman and bowled very well and to Danny Povall too. This week's comedy moments go to me, trying to persuade Bill and Suicide to move Andy Jones every single ball (I kept wkt today), some of Andy's diving in the field, particularly the one towards the end where the ball passed him about 8 feet to his left and he dived after it had gone and to Olly for the 'headbutting the ball' experience. When going for an attempted catch, conscious of Bill berating him if he didn't try, Olly dived towards the ball only for it to bounce off the turf and hit him on the noggin. It sounded very hollow in there Olly I have to say, which I don't suppose is a surprise in retrospect. When asked afterwards what he was thinking of, some cad quickly responded 'nothing!' After a 5 minute break for ice, the South African Kermit the Frog returned to the field with a reasonable bump and the prize for 'injury most likely to improve your looks.' Full credit to him though, looked a nasty cut for a while. We were further impressed with Dr Jones refusal to look in his eyes to see if concussion had set in and the remark that he should leave the field of play and the premises cos weren't insured if he died.

We set about our reply and the very useful, if Suicidal Mr V, set about showing that he doesn't need an electric wheelchair to hit the ball but it would certainly aid his running between the wickets and received a really big cheer every time he got back for the second run - 3 times in total. We had miraculously managed to acquire a friend of Mark Hughes' to bat at no.3 (his name will remain anonymous as we'd like to keep him for more than 20 minutes if possible Nige!). Mr Anonymous outplayed Mr Extra for once and scored a magnificent 45 before losing his bails. I went in at no.7 and managed a promising 24. Danny Povall batted really well at no.9 and bowled pretty well too.

Special mentions to the fat (batting) controller, Mr Phyliss Rennie, the open stance and weight transferrance are working proverbial wonders for my performances and my missus is happy too!

Looking forward to the return of the Pilsbury dough boy from house maintenance any time soon, we've missed ya Danny, especially as without you, Andy and I vy for fattest player.

Til next time,

Dave Noble (sometime well after the 17th and can we have someone else write the odd match report, especially as I'll be on the lash Saturday and not at Timperley for our 3rd 50 mile away trip in 3 weeks, well done Mr fixture secretary!)